I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
