I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
