I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize