she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
