i just wanna soil my oats bro
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
