don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
