Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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