Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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