First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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