I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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