Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's shark week go big or go home
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
