You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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