i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
