Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
