tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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