the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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