I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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