i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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