So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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