i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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