yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
