what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
