dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
