Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
