I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
