you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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