If i come over, it means nothing
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
