I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize