I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
