Got a toothbrush?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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