i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
