Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
