I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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