One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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