Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
