Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
