matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
