i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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