Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
