I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
