this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
