my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize