We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
