How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
