I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
