Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
