I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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