You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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