addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
