I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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