I've blown a few things in my day
I wish i was in the wii world.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
