Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
