i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
