well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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