I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize