I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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