I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
