You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
