I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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