Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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