After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
