My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
