No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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