My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
