I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
