1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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